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Tobacco Prevention Articles 3: Joking about Smoking

Joking About Smoking?

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You’re too young to smoke.
What's the result of smoking too much?
Coffin.
What did Dracula say when he lit a cigarette?
‘It won’t be lung before I get back to my coughin.’
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Nick
Nick who?
Nick-o-Teen is very addictive, be smart don’t start!
What goes puff-puff-cough-cough-bonk?
A man smoking his head off.
What did the heart surgeon who smoked say when he had a heart attack?
Aorta know better.
What’s 20 times more dangerous than smoking a cigarette?
Smoking a pack of cigarettes.
A smoker goes to see his doctor.  The doctor tells him, “I have some good news and I’ve got some bad news.  You haven’t got lung cancer.”  “Phew”, says the smoker, “What’s the bad news?”
“I’m lying”, replied the doctor.
Smoker: I’m having trouble with emphysema.
Doctor:  Sorry to hear that.  What exactly is the problem?
Smoker: I can’t spell it.
How do you make a cigarette lighter?
Take out the tobacco.
Doctor:  Here’s a packet of nicotine patches.  They should do half the work of quitting for you.
Smoker: Wonderful.  Then I’ll take two
 What bird smokes?
Puffin.

Send us your jokes about smokes for future editions gasp@gasp.org.uk